Do I Know Who I Am? Imposter Syndrome And The Loss Of Faith In Yourself

As a writer, I've written about a lot of things. But it’s mostly derived from the knowledge that I've gleaned off the internet. Looking at things from another’s perspective.

On rare occasions, I’ve talked about things that I have first-hand experience with. And Impostor Syndrome is something that I haven’t written about for two reasons.

One, mostly because I didn’t know it existed till about 4 - 5 years ago. Two, I'm not great at talking about my weaknesses in general.

With that out of the way, let’s get into it.

Confidence And Imposter Syndrome - Are They The Same?

Many people think that lack of confidence and imposter syndrome (IS) are the same beast.

Short version - no, they aren’t. Asking someone with IS to be more confident is like telling a person with depression to be happy.

This is the longer take -

I still remember my first interview with a small 20-man call center in Chennai back in 2003 or so. I was rejected because I had bad communication skills while the rest of my friends got it. Not to toot my own trumpet, but my skills with written and spoken English language were pretty good despite the fact I was only about 19 years old. Let’s let this simmer, and we’ll come back to it in a bit.

Even until a few years ago, I would be interrupted by my own thoughts mid-writing. Most of them ranged from “You should stop writing this article because you know nothing about it.” to “How much more do you need to fake it to make it?” And it'd be strong enough that I wouldn't be able to get words out.

2003 was a lack of confidence, and the latter was impostor syndrome.

I can tell you from experience that they are not in the same ballpark. A similarity between the two is the consequence of self-doubt. And another resemblance is the stealthy nature of both conditions. Nobody who has spoken to me would ever think I was lacking in confidence or had IS.

The difference, for me at least, is that the lack of confidence is something that can be remedied with effort, of course. This, too, I know from experience. I also know that IS strikes suddenly and does so without warning. It leaves you in tatters, and you spend most of the day picking up the pieces. And it’s definitely harder to shake off between the two.

Here’s what I did, and it might help you too.

How I Cope With My Impostor Syndrome

Save The Positive

As a person, I never ask what people think of what I do or the person I am. This is something that I’ve learned is the wrong way to go about things.

I think the reason I don’t want to know is at some subconscious level, I feared criticism.

The best thing to do is simple - ask them what you want to know. Save the positive. Work on the negative if it's within your wheelhouse. If not, you can’t do anything about it, so throw it away.

Hold On To Your Totem

A totem is anything that is able to anchor your thoughts with your current reality, like in Inception but without the confusion.

I have been saving everything good anyone’s ever said about me or my work in a huge file offline. So, that would be my totem. It helps me to focus on the good things rather than just dwell on the negative.

This could be anything - a text message, an image, an audio byte, or a screenshot of something memorable.

Develop Your Script

A script is something that has served me well when it comes to talking about my work. For people like me who slip up with their accomplishments, writing down what you’ve done over the years helps.

This is especially true with interviews or client pitches. Of course, it helps to keep “professional” scripts streamlined compared to your own personal script.

Healthy Response To Failure

Failure is something I have a long-standing relationship with. I graduated during the depression of 2007, wasted my time faffing about till I was 26, and I lost my job to another global event in 2020.

Nobody likes failures. But if you don’t deal with them like you’re supposed to, things can get worse and pretty quickly. Honestly, I didn’t handle them at all well earlier, but I learned through the course of many.

Don’t get the urge to rebound quickly after having failed. It is important to give yourself a break, take a step back, and breathe. Review and rework your plans or build up a whole new strategy. Try different options and perspectives. I’m a post-grad in computers, and I now juggle words for a living - it can work.

I am gracious for the fact that throughout my life, failures have been great stepping-off points to greatness. There are blips and low-points in between, but so does everyone.

Can You Get Imposter Syndrome?

I recently read this article that defined imposter syndrome (IS) as something that “affects high-achieving people, who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments.”

Oh.

So, basically, only Nobel Laureates and rocket scientists suffer from it.

Whew.

The rest of us, we the mediocre folk, are safe from the wretched grip of this mentally debilitating disease, right?

If you read the above with a healthy slap of sarcasm, you’ve got it right. Just that quoted elitist sentence, that specific arrangement of innocuous words, makes me furious. And ironically, that whole article was co-written by someone who prides herself on being inclusive.

EVERYONE👏GETS👏IT👏NOT👏JUST👏”HIGH”👏”ACHIEVING”👏PEOPLE

Yes, I airquoted between claps. I’m just that mad.

And no, I’m not going to link that article. You’re going to have to take my word for it.

Winding It Up

I started with not wanting to write about impostor syndrome, and here we are a thousand words later. So, what changed? Well, today, I’m a lot more confident about myself in my own skin. And I know there are more people like me out there.

This is me sending them a message in a bottle. Hopefully, of hope rather than just being preachy. To let them know that there are more of us out here. To let them know they can reach out for help or to simply talk.

Even if you don’t want to, believe in yourselves. I know saying this is as cliche to you as Shia LeBeouf’s Just Do It video. Hell, even if this was as half as inspirational as that video, I’ll take it.

We will be okay.